conrad toyama

when i got back into battletech in 2022 after not being into it for a while, i got really interested in comstar's lore and things like sainthood and martyrdom, and conrad and jerome's whole deal. and especially to the idea of devotion that corrupts when it comes to conrad.

i really like the intentions short story and think about it a lot, and it does annoy me to still see battletech fans on the internet who haven't read it and still think that conrad killed jerome. although it is interesting to me that the in-universe accounts of what happened are contradictory and that the reported history isn't so straight forward, and that conrad had to keep things secret or jerome's plan would fail (and i mean conrad didn't do a great job,,,, and jerome's plan certainly wasn't flawless to being with). and the fact that most battletech books are written from some biased in-universe perspective, and that the intentions short story is from a neutral, straight forward one that sets things straight.

yeah conrad toyama is sort of doing self sacrifice for the greater good, but with the added level of he doesn't really know if it will be the greater good. he wants his means to justify his ends, but he can't see an end in sight. most of his life has been war. countless people have died, and he also has killed countless in order to cause a war so horrific that humanity might realise the horror of war and stop the cycle of it. he's had to kill so many and sacrifice what history will think of him in order to preserve the vision of his dead friend. and to preserve all technology and knowledge that humanity as a whole has gained up until that point, for a hopeful future time when there will be no more war and humanity can rebuild. and he knows he won't see it in his lifetime, so he's doing everything so it will outlast him and be greater than both him or jerome. but one else knows why conrad and jerome have done what they've done, and if they did would it really make up for the countless people that had to die. do the means justify the end if there's no end in sight.

anyway. i know he fucked up horribly and nosedived jerome blake's vision terribly and killed so so many people, but he's my man who fucked up horribly and nosedived jerome blake's vision terribly and killed so so many people ♥

i think canonically conrad probably wouldn't have had time for a partner bc he was too devoted to jerome and his vision. i like to imagine jerome and conrad could both be my husbands, although i definitely don't view their relationship to each other as romantic at all.

i think i was married to him for most of our lives, but i cant decide when i should kill my self-insert off - some time before jerome dies, or to live longer with conrad after. i think narratively it would make sense for me to die, bc conrad has the massive burden to save humanity to bear all on his own, and there's a quote in intentions about hims feeling properly alone for the first time forever, or something. but i want to live on for longer bc i don't like to think of him being lonely :(